When you’re the adult child of an aging parent, there’s no manual. One day, everything’s fine—and the next, you’re fielding confusing medical updates, wondering if she’s eating right, or feeling guilty after a rushed phone call.

That’s what happened to me.

My mom is 79. She’s stubborn, independent, and lives by herself in Seattle. I live four hours away. And while she’ll always say she’s “doing just fine,” I started noticing little things that didn’t sit right. A missed doctor’s appointment. Low energy. Forgetting a medication refill.

No one prepares you for the emotional whiplash of worrying about someone who insists they don’t need help.

Here’s what I wish I had known earlier:

1. Know What Meds They Take

This one sounds simple. It’s not.

My mom takes four daily medications, and at one point, she mixed up her blood pressure pills. No one caught it—not even the pharmacy.

Now, I keep a photo of her prescriptions in my phone, along with the dosages. I also set reminders in a shared calendar. It’s a small habit, but it gives me peace of mind.

2. Ask About Their Sleep—Not Just Their Day

I used to ask, “How was your day?” But I learned that how she slept the night before told me much more.

When her sleep started getting patchy, her mood, memory, and appetite all changed. That one question—“Did you sleep okay last night?”—helped me spot red flags before they turned into emergencies.

3. Pay Attention to Their Energy

Forget the calendar—your parent’s energy level is the real barometer.

Does it take them longer to get dressed? Are they skipping meals? Are they “just tired” more often than not? These small clues helped me realize my mom wasn’t just aging—she was struggling with basic daily routines. And she didn’t want to tell me because she didn’t want to be a burden.

4. Always Call After Doctor Appointments

This changed everything.

Even when she says it was “no big deal,” I now make a habit of calling the same day as her appointments. I ask what the doctor said, if there were any medication changes, and how she felt about the visit.

Once, I found out her doctor mentioned possible memory loss—but she didn’t think it was worth repeating. That conversation kicked off important follow-up care we would’ve otherwise missed.

5. Don’t Wait to Get Help

I kept thinking we’d bring in support “when things get worse.” That was a mistake.

What actually helped? Finding in-home care before we hit a crisis point.

We now use a local company in Seattle called Caringene. They help with the little things—housekeeping, rides to appointments, even making sure she’s eating well.

It doesn’t feel like we’re handing over care. It feels like adding a second layer of support. And honestly? It changed everything for us. My mom is still independent—but she’s not alone. And I don’t lie awake wondering if she’s okay.

If you’re in the same boat I was… start sooner. You don’t have to do everything yourself.

And if you're looking for help in the Seattle area, Caringene was the best decision we made.